Paranoia; An RH. M Production
about me

I am : Inane, Insane, Indelicate, In Depression, In Melancholy, In Happiness.....IT'S ALL ABOUT THE I.

Champa Ha, otherwise known as Rhiannon Merlin.
Avid Fan of Hetalia , Yaoi, reading, Prussia and Canada,Music, Monty Python, cool lines and everything that's cold.
Strong believer of Magic and witchcraft, and knows that she can be irritating and insane.
Now, before you get cursed by the Knights who say "Ni", yell that you're pining for the Fjords 100x
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Wishlist

Wishlist eh? I have to do this? Okay... Wants a cool jacket that fits me .
To be favourited as an author on my Fanfic.
New Ipod.
Perfect Fifths by Megan McCafferty
To actually be somewhat sane by the time i reach 50
For the UN to actually do something .
To meet Gilbert and Matthew.


Tagboard

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Clickables

links shall be placed here. Apple syrup not included:
Sydney || Logen || Harris || Wan Yi || Sook Han || Siti Aishah || Chester || 07A2 || FyiFyi || Maxilla || Squirrel || Shima || Bernadette || Candice || Dinesh || Rebecca || Victoria || Viha || Joyce || Patrick|| Melvin/ Prince Amy || Ying Jie || Christine || YJ/Sheep || Liwen || Laurent || Humaira || Roshilla|| Syafiqah || Zachary || Pam || Shimma || Sara

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  • Thank you

    Designer: SPLASH!
    Base code: heroine Resources: 1 | 2

    Monday, April 30, 2007

    i just came back from mr ho's funeral service.it was really surprising. i learnt that what u swore would not happen did happen.i cried , even after swearing not to.

    anyway , the service was really touching. we sang hymns and prayed a lot.i'm not christian , but i sang along to the songs. anyway , i was surprised at the number of beatty students, alumni and teachers there. seems like my faith in the human nature is still there.

    anyway he didn't look like mr ho. mr ho was always cheerful and happy. he was plump!
    this guy was thin . he looked emancipated. it wasn't him.

    i cried while listening to the sermon. i can't believe it. my father died and i only cried once. my teacher dies and i feel like crying over and over again.

    my priorities are so screwed.


    maxilla was right. i do have issues.


    remind me to ask him what kind of issues.

    sigh...i keep thinking abt death. will ppl remember me ? will they think abt how i affected their lives? will anyone care?

    will i die old ? or young?

    will i be alone , or with frens , or even with my spouse?

    spouse.

    such a funny word. i dun think i'll get used to it.

    firstly ,i have to engage in a relationship first . i dunno, i seem to be on a on and off relationship with relationships. one min , i'm downright hating it , and the next , i dream abt my bf. if i ever have one.

    i dunno.


    welcome to my screwed up life . where everything is always complicated.

    Labels:


    Sunday, April 29, 2007

    i wrote this post earlier on. i just confirmed the death of my cme teacher with my friends. they were all shocked abt it. but not as shocked as me cause i was taught by him. i remember grumbling abt him making me write the entire paragraph about copyrights. mr ho , we all loved you as a teacher . you were always so cheery during lessons , even during the worst times. may you rest in peace sir.









    hey ppl!
    i changed my skin and added more music. finally i understand how this thing works.

    anyway i chose this skin gfor a few reasons.

    1)i love stars
    2) it reminds me of magic and wizardry .
    3)i love the theme behind it.

    i feel lost at this age . as mr quek , my secondary school art teacher would say , what teenagers at this age search for is identity. tt can explain the no of ppl who want to be different and the ppl who idolize popstars.

    they want to be different.


    anyway there's another reason why i decided to change the skin.

    i didn't make it to the finals of oratorical. so i was slightly depressed and decided to change something which i can control.

    anyway i have got depressing news.i never expected this to happen , but it has.

    my sec 1 cme teacher , mr ho ck passed away yesterday.

    imagine the shock , the pain and the loss i felt.

    i didn't know him tt long cause he was only there for awhile before he went on leave due to health reasons..cancer , i think.

    but he was in remission! i saw him back in school to teach others in sec2!

    it's too much to take him away!

    but it is him. the photo , the name , the initials.....

    it all fits.

    i came across this when reading the newspaper today.

    i then ran to message and call my friends , who were not aware of it till i told them.

    its funny really. the photo they took was of one of him sitting at his table in the staff room and it was also a colour photo.he had pens in his shirt pocket , his glasses perched on his nose and tt same friendly smile. he was so normal. so happy.

    he's only 38! i scream.

    even worse , i can't feel anything much.

    except , maybe the shock tt one who i never expected to die has done so.

    so when i called mom later , (she's going back to hong kong today)i told her i loved her.


    i dun understand. i never thought about him much until today.

    so what's wrong with me? i feel slightly depressed today. i'm def emo .death is so common nowadays.

    i remember on thursday when we were talking about gp in the library . albert brought up the topic on children and i agreed with him tt there are other things in life that fulfill us other than children.

    maxilla was shocked."you mean you don't wanna have babies?"

    me: "why not? i dun think i wanna get married in the first place?"

    maxilla:"but you get to spend the rest of your life with someone you love!"

    me:"well , it's useless to me."

    i understand myself. i know tt to love is to pour your heart into it. it hurts especially if you lose that love.

    i may contradict myself when it came to this.

    i detach myself from love to stop myself from hurting. i dunno if i even love other ppl . maybe i do , but i refuse to aknowledge it.
    cause this is what happens.

    still i wish to love.

    but another part of me screams to make me not love.



















    i hate myself.especially in this situation.

    Friday, April 27, 2007

    The Leo type is the most dominant, spontaneously creative and extrovert of all the zodiacal characters. In grandeur of manner, splendor of bearing and magnanimity of personality, they are the monarch's among humans as the lion is king of beasts. They are ambitious, courageous, dominant, strong willed, positive, independent, self-confident there is no such a word as doubt in their vocabularies, and they are self-controlled. Born leaders, either in support of, or in revolt against, the status quo. They are at their most effective when in a position of command, their personal magnetism and innate courtesy of mind bringing out the best of loyalty from subordinates. They are uncomplicated, knowing exactly what they want and using all their energies, creativeness and resolution to get it, as well as being certain that they will get whatever they are after. Their followers know where they are with Leonians. Leonians think and act bigger than others would normally dare; the ambitiousness of their schemes and idealism sometimes daunt their followers, their practical hardheadedness and ability to go straight to the heart of any problem reassures those who depend on them. If Leonians meet with setbacks they thrive on the adversity.

    On the whole they are powers for good, for they are strongly idealistic, humane, and beneficent. They have powerful intelligence and are of a broad philosophical, sometimes religious, turn of mind. Those who are devout may become very obstinate in upholding traditional beliefs and will cling tenaciously, but with complete sincerity, to practices and doctrines which liberal thinkers regard as absurdly out-of-date. These will be found as the 'lions' of industries, and in the forefront of the cutting edge of technologies.

    Their faults can be as large in scale as their virtues, and an excessively negative Leonian can be one of the most unpleasant human beings imaginable, displaying extreme arrogance, autocratic pride, haughtiness, and excessive hastiness of temper. If jealously suspicious of rivals, they will not hesitate to use cunning, lies and trickery to discredit them. Self-centeredness, greed for flattery, boastfulness, and bombast, pomposity, snobbish superiority, and overbearing, and intolerant disdain of underlings; to whom they will nevertheless delegate the carrying out of minor details in their grandiose schemes, and from whom they are not above borrowing immoderately if an occasion necessitates it. Any of these can be characteristic of Leo.
    Add to them a passion for luxury, a lust for power, unlimited sexual lust, and emotional indulgence, and a character emerges that no one would want to know either in public life or private. But their pride may go before a fall, as uncontrolled impetuosity is likely to bring them low. Fortunately it is rare that a Leo is so undisciplined as to give way thoroughly to this list of vices, and their tendencies to them are usually balanced by an innate wisdom. Those who are afflicted with them also have the intelligence it takes to consciously and actively overcome them.

    In professional life they do well at any vocation at which there is room at the top. As politicians they are content with nothing less than a powerful position in government. In business they may be the chairman of their company's board, or at least directors or managers. They are excellent organizers and overseers, often laying the groundwork for new projects. If from the artisan ranks of society they will aspire to become the boss, partly because they are ambitious by nature, partly because they dislike manual labor, preferring to take charge of others doing it. If artistic, Leos can become stars of stage or screen (their bent is serious rather than light drama), maestros as musicians where they will gravitate toward the grand instruments or activities, such as the organ or conducting of orchestras and as painters; anything grand in conception and scale appeals to them. Leo women make exceptionally good welfare workers.

    In his or her relations with others the Leo type is open, sincere, genuine and trusting. Outgoing, spontaneously warm hearted and plain spoken, though never lacking in kindliness, Leos are more disillusioned than the average if let down by those they trust. They are not good judges of character and are inclined to favoritism and an exaggerated faith in their followers which too often ends in disappointment. They have a strong sex drive and are so attracted to the opposite sex that they find it hard to be constant; they can be so intensely sexual as to become dissolute. They may have numerous love affairs for their love of pleasure and beauty is liable to drive them from one attractive partner to another. They are very much inclined to deceive. Their marriages may fail for the same reason, yet they are sincere and generous to their lovers while love lasts, and will remain attached to their homes so long as it is run for their benefit. They demand service but are incapable of giving it.

    Possible Health Concerns...

    Physiologically, Leo governs the upper back, forearms, wrist, spine and heart. Its natives are subject to a number of ailments: pain in the back and lungs, spinal complaints, diseases of the heart and blood, sickness in ribs and sides, convulsions, pleasantries, violent burning fevers including, in former days, when they were prevalent, plague, pestilence, jaundice, and some afflictions of the eyes.

    LIKES
    Speculative ventures
    Lavish Living
    Pageantry and Grandeur
    Children
    Drama

    DISLIKES
    Doing things safely
    Ordinary,Day to day living
    Small minded people
    Penny pinching
    Mean spiritedness


    PROBLEMS THAT MAY ARISE FOR YOU, AND THEIR SOLUTIONS




    As with all sun signs, we all have unique traits to our personalities. When these traits are suppressed, or unrealized, problems will arise. However, with astrology we can examine the problem and assess the proper solution based on the sun sign characteristics. As a Leo you may see things below that really strike home. Try the solution, you most likely will be amazed at the results. If you find yourself on the receiving end of the negatives below, it is because you are failing to express the positive.

    Problem: Getting all upset and angry with others when things do not go the way you fully expected them too. This kind of reaction to a problem is what causes a lot of marital discord and unhappiness.
    Solution: You should never base all of your expectations on what you should get, but rather base them on what you can give to, or do, for those who are in your sphere of influence. You will find you have a more peaceful and happy home if you do this.


    Problem: You are sometimes your own worst enemy, especially so when you are striving for attention in such obvious ways that you turn off the very people you sought to impress.
    Solution: The first place to start is to stop trying to gain attention; give people the chance to notice the real you. Decide what it is that impresses you and you will then know what to do to impress others.


    Problem: Egotism, to the extent that you may be the Leo who thinks no one is quite as good at things as you are and the people around you are made to feel small through your habit of comparison.
    Solution: What the higher minded Leo has is a sense of self worth and of greatness, this is corrupted when you let the ego get out of hand so you should learn to walk tall by looking up to those that are 'taller' than you are.

    Problem: Losses in income from unwisely speculating which leads to financial ruin, as well as possible personal losses of family and friends due to a lack of concern for their financial welfare.
    Solution: You should always investigate all investments well before they are made, then talk it over with your spouse as to how hard the budget can be hit, before you spend the first dime.

    Thursday, April 26, 2007

    with the recent events on love happening around me , i sincerely wonder if i can survive.

    its better to have loved and lost than not to love at all?

    well at this rate , i'll be a shell.

    i dunno if what i feel for you is love or infatuation. i have no idea what i feel with my former feelings abt you.

    and now you're here too.

    what are you ppl doing ? antagonising me?

    i think i'm crushing on you . but at the same time i don't .

    i dunno where i stand. has anyone truly loved me in all these years?



    anyway , too tired to talk anymore. max was back since yesterday! crapping sessions have returned in full force! melvin's back too! bullshit level :100% yes!!!

    Wednesday, April 25, 2007

    i , surprisingly , got into the oratorical contest. i was second only to aaron , the vice president of drama!

    i somehow got the most ironic one...
    " it's better to have loved and lost , than to never love at all"

    being someone who never lost anyone i loved before.....wait...i never loved before , let alone lose one!

    i nearly lost to kar yee though . we were almost on par.

    but i beat her too.

    how?

    i crapped a bit on love , how humans were meant to love...cause it helps in socializing....and reproduction....and how having lost love can help one to go through obstacles....blah blah blah...borrowed a ref from lit" my love is like a red red rose"......


    i cannot believe i can do tt.


    but i did.

    well ....

    i have to go for competition in tampines jc for their oratorical com...with aaron.

    but after tt , it'll be with kar yee!

    i'm slightly relieved .
    aaron's really scary.

    Sunday, April 22, 2007

    Note: i was really pissed off a few hours ago , so if i sound too scary , pls ignore this post.i always like to blog at the middle of the moment .feelings are too easily changed sometimes. which reminds me, i feel better . cause i drank some campbell soup and ate some bread.i was always such a glutton....heheh , something NOT inheirited from dad . except for the bread thing. dad always like the french bread. can't believe if i was born a few months later , i would be of french citizeship instead of singaporean citizenship. i say this cause i was checking my particulars a few days ago and it simply stated :ha thuc can , father , french citizen. i'm still in shock. i never knew this one.anyway ,here's the earlier post below:




    I have to blog about this , before the anger disappaits.

    I HATE THIS WORLD!

    they dare to judge me by my father's terms!

    "the reason why you're in this house is because of your father!"

    my father ,my father.....I HATE MY FATHER! WHAT DO THEY WISH ME TO DO? FOLLOW HIS FOOTSTEPS?

    Sorry, but being away and only seeing my family once every year is so not in my agenda. being a total asshole is so not what i want. BEING A TOTAL FLAKY BUTTMUNCH ON MY FAMILY IS SO NOT WHAT I WANT!

    BUT DO THEY CARE?

    hm....guess what.....NO!

    I NEVER WISH TO FOLLOW HIM! I COULD NOT EVEN BE HERE IF HE HAD HIS WAY. I COULD STILL BE LIVING MY OTHER PAST LIFE OR ANOTHER ONE!

    Look what he did to my mom . she could be doing something else if she never met him.

    and he had to die on us!

    i only cried once. i never did again.

    in fact , i only love my mom.

    when people ask if i miss him , i always say no.

    cause i don't . i don't miss him.

    he only visited me once a year. no attachment to him.

    mom was the one that took care of me.

    but hey , the uncle doesn't care. they liked him.


    i have his genes in me. i look like him. i'm not pure chinese.i'm half. i bear his name. i have his habits. AND I HATE MYSELF BECAUSE OF THEM!

    i thought i can love myself.

    i thought i could hate myself.

    i never thought i could do both at the same time.

    but i keep doing it.

    everyday i see myself acting like him.his love for reading, his writing , his appreciation of the arts....


    i hate it now. i hate it to the core.

    reader , you may think i judge him too hastily.

    but i urge you to think again . how would you feel if you saw the psychological damage to me and my mom?

    Saturday, April 21, 2007

    my heart hurts again....after hearing that song....i hate it when i do that.


    i may have a change in aspirations......i wanna be in the toastmasters or in the theatre! i know that presenting and acting is in my blood , but so is the writing. maybe i can be a playwright. or a theatre actress.

    i dunno...i blame dad for this. his love of writing got him in CBS where he became a reporter . my mom sells antiques for a living . phunam is a photographer and lan loves reading , like i do.

    yet i nearly hate them all. i love my mom though.

    where were you ppl when i needed you?

    oh wait , in the wrong part of the world.

    ....................

    let's get back.

    my wishlist...

    good grades for a levels.
    travel the world with ying jie , parri and viha .
    find a person who i love and loves me back .
    my own apartment .
    carved bookshelves.
    be able to be true with myself .
    become a good writer and actress.
    a study . which belongs to me and only me!
    my own laptop.
    be friends with marco again.
    books....books and more books...
    world domination...(bwahahahaha!!)
    the whole collection of the simpsons dvds.
    the whole collection of C.S.I. dvds
    the whole collection of Cold Case Dvds



    hm....thats all? i thought i had more....i really thought i had more....is my wishlist weird?


    here's a photo to look at!





    i hate photos that are posed. that's why i always make sure the photos i take are unexpected . cause they are real.



    i took that phrase from scrubs.
    so sue me.

    Friday, April 20, 2007
    Review of Avril Lavigne 's "The Best Damn Thing"

    after listening to all the songs in her album, i am very disappointed ....that people think that this is crap!

    i mean , "under my skin" was really good , i admit . and "The Best Damn Thing" cannot be compared to this. but ask yourselves, teenage years are considered quite dark and this has contributed to good material in her songs . can't you let her share her fun to the rest of the world? her album shows how much she has changed since her teens . isn't this a bit too much to boycott her album? Not only tt , is it not true tt ppl have to keep evolving to be able to find themselves? so why can't you let Avril do her thing?
    thumbs up for her to be able to let herself have fun!


    too tired...listening to avril lavigne's new cd , The Best Damn Thing. i can do better is a nice song.

    today i can't help but marvel at the talents my classmates can do. i was watching daniel with his hip hop thing....it was fantabulous! i never knew tt he can do it so well!

    and the fact tt i can be really emo is really a huge revelation....

    i dun get it.
    when a person is deep in thought , is this construed as being emo?


    anyway , maxilla was back today.i didn't tell him, but i missed him and his bullshit.he's really very funny.


    i dun think i'm a flirt ...am i ?

    cause i dun think i do as badly as other girls.

    i dun usually talk to guys...wait ...not many ppl talk to me.

    not many guys either...

    i'm very slow.

    but its nice tt ppl are talking to me...

    i dun wanna be emo!

    i just like to think alot..



    I DUN UNDERSTAND WHY PPL HATE HER NEW CD! I LOVE THIS THING!

    Thursday, April 19, 2007

    maxilla wasn't here today, so the lack of bullshit was down to zilch. argh...
    made a fool of myself today during history....my presentation was BAD.....as in really sucked... she told us to redo it.well i just copied and pasted the thing.

    i was relieved tt she didn't go into the entire thing...but i was so ashamed of having made a crappy presentation , i couldn't help but cry.i cried in the library.
    i cannot believe i can do tt. all those years i learnt to be a stone has gone all the way down. down the drain. but nisa and syaf comforted me...i dunno how , but it was nice. thanks man. i don't think i dwelled on it after tt....anyway i learnt tt laurent wasn't such a scary person after all...he always had tt look tt scared me half to death...but he's nice.



    well....kinda short , but i really have to go play with sand and get candy.and write questions.....


    maxilla , hope you're okay. i told you to break a leg and some bones but not yours!

    Tuesday, April 17, 2007
    Incidents from the past two days....some reason mostly regarding the class rep

    sigh...why is it tt most of these incidents all regard the class rep?lets see...we presented our play on king lear yesterday...everything went okay aside from lack of expression.....until max /dear cordelia realized he forgotten his cue and his line....at the end of the play! then the teacher had to say..."well?"

    cordelia went and said her lines in a PUNJABI ACCENT.

    stunned silence. only thing i could hear was my brain screaming....

    "well, cordelia is half indian!"

    let me assure you , ladies and gentlemen...MAX IS HALF FRENCH HALF CHINESE!!!DEFINITELY NO INDIAN BLOOD IN HIM!

    course , the teacher had to say ,"well this i have to put on youtube!"

    plans to kill max when free came to mind....

    but i gave up on them.

    then we got to gp lesson....

    see i sit slightly away from the elites.. nearer the window.if i have to watch the teacher i have to look in the direction of the elites....

    course max knew tt....so he continued something which he started in history class last thursday.

    see max found out on thursday tt i hated pdas....especially btw him and daniel....so he started to put his hand around and rub daniel's shoulders.... and play with his hair ....and raising his eyebrows with tt wicked grin on his face....making sure tt i saw it.. ....this was on thursday....

    what he did .....upped his game....he somehow got all three elites to stare at me....and did what he did on thursday...and fluttering his eyelashes.....and doing gay poses....and licking his lips.........KNOWING I CAN SEE THEM AND YES I CAN SEE THEM!!!

    being the nice person i was..i raised my hand and asked the teacher a hypothical question."is it true tt we don't prosecute ppl for race ,language ,religion or sexual orientation?"

    "erm...yes?"

    "then is it also true tt ppl with different sexual orientations must also agree to keep their activities down???"

    stunned silence........

    bwhahahhahahaha!!!!!

    course maxilla had to go ,"champa , its okay , we accept lesbians in this class!"

    ARGH!!!

    after asking why the hell did he do tt only resulted in a licking of his lips at me....

    OMG!

    Today was a bit different....he declared his love for me...aaron style....when i was screaming for joy tt aaron wasn't here.....i created another one!!!
    i won't go into details ..but one comment from him can explain why i am so disoriented .....

    "champa! i booked the wedding hall already!"


    and after today ..roshilla and isabella are convinced tt i like max....

    i dunno what to reply to tt ....let alone what to say to him.......






    how abt ,"CORDELIA!!!ARE YOU TRYING TO GIVE DADDY A HEART ATTACK? GET BACK TO FRANCE!I ALREADY BANISHED YOU!!"?






































    HEHEHEHEHEHEHE.......

    Saturday, April 14, 2007

    after reading all my past blog posts....i realized what had happened....

    all that time i was protecting myself against the words of the ppl from beatty who teased me mercilessly ... i was crying everyday in my heart when i was there....only taking short breaks when my frens and eldds was around me...

    it was even worse when my own class shunned me . tt time during mass revision in sec3 when the teacher announced tt they could read my compo cause it had hugh marks...what made me so sad was not the exaggerated claps of the ppl from the other classes....tt went on for a near whole min.....but the indifference of my class....

    after tt the teachers never mentioned my name during mass revision again. but at least they congratulated me after the thing was over...

    so i shifted from confident outspoken girl to scared running kid who was cynical and sacarstic......she hated her class , the world and mostly herself...


    i used to be like melvin , able to think up explantions on the spot and having the gift of the gab. now, i scare myself whenever i talk in front of the class...i could go up on stage with only the facts and get quite a good applause when i step down....now i tremble whenever i go on and make sure tt i remember everystep of the way....


    i used to be happy... now the cynic and sacarsm has taken over....


    the protection of it has led me to be unable to tell when i offended someone....

    maybe i was so bent on hating and lashing out at them tt i hurt my friends too...


    i still dun trust anyone....my friends would be hurt when i say i dun trust them either.....

    i've also developed a habit of asking myself questions......my mind would reply to me sensible advice....i like to personify her and liken her to be my spirit guide ...the wolf rhia....

    i'm not crazy ...just feeling lonely....


    as logen said...the defence i had is not needed anymore....i have nth to fear ....i know my MI classmates are not like beattyians...

    i'm ready to take it now...to be more optimistic...to accept help....to be friendly ....and mostly not be afraid....


    Your Five Factor Personality Profile

    Extroversion:

    You have medium extroversion.
    You're not the life of the party, but you do show up for the party.
    Sometimes you are full of energy and open to new social experiences.
    But you also need to hibernate and enjoy your "down time."

    Conscientiousness:

    You have medium conscientiousness.
    You're generally good at balancing work and play.
    When you need to buckle down, you can usually get tasks done.
    But you've been known to goof off when you know you can get away with it.

    Agreeableness:

    You have medium agreeableness.
    You're generally a friendly and trusting person.
    But you also have a healthy dose of cynicism.
    You get along well with others, as long as they play fair.

    Neuroticism:

    You have high neuroticism.
    It's easy for you to feel shaken, worried, or depressed.
    You often worry, and your worries prevent you from living life fully.
    You tend to be emotionally reactive and moody. Your either flying very high or feeling very low.

    Openness to experience:

    Your openness to new experiences is high.
    In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas.
    You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits.
    A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything.




    i say ashes to ashes, we all fall down , we've got innoncence for days.....


    tt song is stuck in my head......


    i believe tt this test shows how stupid my mind can get.....if this continues, i think i would wear a tin hat so tt the CIA and Interpol won't probe my mind....




    i like some raisin cookies to go along with it....

    and chocolate chip....

    and cereal cookies.......


    milk too....



    i'm enemy of those tt hate cookies...tt includes you too michael.....






    Champa's secret wish........ to actually rule the world in world domination.....this will be my crown....


    okay...today was friday the thirteenth....came to school with trepidations....after all i had insulted someone and spent the whole night being paranoid while researching king lear.....but we already cleared things up.....i know i had....and from now on , i'll start afresh....no more defence mechansim from me anymore...i'll be more forthcoming.....this isn't beatty , there isn't anyone i know here....the ppl that hated and teased me in the past are all gone now....my classmates are not like them...

    tt was one of my nightmares...tt 07a2 was exactly like 4e4...

    i still think i 'ld wake up screaming cause i found out i wasn't safe after all...but merely a cover so flimsy that they found me...


    but i know the turtles arent like tt...i like my classmates... but i miss the turtles.....viha and parrims...yj especially...she was my twin after all and knew what i went through...they were the ones tt helped me get through life at beatty....logen helped too...yesterday i ran to him asking for advice and he gave me tons of it....i hope to be him one day...

    but my classmates...i get along with them...max is really friendly ( i hope tt i won't do it again!)...melvin is too funny for words , fiona is always jumping with excitment and isabelle and roshilla are always there ...

    and we did king lear again today....and given our scene.....abt king lear and his three daughters...!!!! haha...even worse for the elites..they are MY daughters!!maxilla is cordelia , narvin is goneril and danial is regan...

    gods this is too funny for words....

    i like taking photos....especially when ppl dun pose and everything is real....





    i like this photo....

    Thursday, April 12, 2007

    i'm really really sorry for insulting you....
    tts all i can say now.

    Wednesday, April 11, 2007

    the fucking wanker is back....

    this time explaining abt infatuations ....

    i have this stupid habit tt makes me like every guy tts nice to me.....

    i hate this habit.

    i hate myself...

    in other news , after fiona freaking out and all, i think we did a good job on the board. its fun to transfer stuff on the paper....and after showing it to the guy , who after the initial shock, agreed tt we did a good job and encouraged us to continue.... lets beat the others man, i hope they lose badly , cause ours is fab...thanks to fiona , of course.

    fiona is so talented....

    anyway, had my first drama meeting today ,the ppl there are FAB. but i still felt so lonely there. siti was fab in acting ....she can sit so still and not be made to laugh ...and cry too!..i'm jealous...i can laugh so easily...but this spurs me to try harder!!!
    i can be angry and happy ...but my main problems are crying and i also think tt i cannot make ppl laugh...comedy is the hardest ...even harder than sadness and melachonly...i feel tt there is so much i need to do to go on...


    i dunno what to do.... i dunno what to say anymore... i dunno if i talk too much, or say too little, or do too much or do too little....

    in conclusion, maybe i shouldn't say anything at all...


    but....i really miss u .i think u hate me....i might be hating u too. but hey...maybe this phrase says it..

    " how wonderful life is...now you're in the world..."


    i seem to be thinking abt moulin rouge nowadays....i can't help but sing " lady marmalade"


    ..........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................

    i also can't help but think abt the song "welcome to the black parade"


    i need my iPod back in order!!!!!!!!

    Tuesday, April 10, 2007

    ARGH!!!!!!!

    I POSTED SOMETHING AND IT DISAPPEARED!!!!


    RARGH!!!!!!!!!!


    i dunno if i am a good leader ...no one listens...few respond......am i really cut out to be a leader? or am i just a figurehead too?



    are we really united? is 07a2 really united?


    i dunno what to believe anymore...

    does anyone respect me???

    will my three years here be exactly like beatty???

    in other news , the fucking wanker (me) has done something stupid again....

    THIS STUPID INFATUATION THING HAS TO STOP!!!!

    Saturday, April 07, 2007

    i had fun on friday , thanks to parrims ,viha, yj and class 07a2.

    for earlier part of the day we went to watch TMNT! after all the cool animation we decided tt we should all be turtles. parrims, the smart kid , is donatello (donny)!our pm in training viha is leonardo(leo), and yj the furious one is raphael ! rafe!!!i miss u!!!!

    of course, tt means ,i'm michaelangelo!!! mikey!!!this has led to many puns regarding me and someone else

    pls note, mikey is COOL!which means I'M COOL!!!

    after tt i met up 07a2 for dinner at newton circus. food was very chewy and spicy. never eat spicy food again. makes me wonder abt tt obsession over wasabi....i love wasabi...


    proceeded to esplnade to have talk session...while walking max told me something tt made me feel somehow...

    well.....

    better...

    i felt so much better abt myself. if not for him i might not be. for so many days i told myself to "snap out of happiness!! its only a dream!!! when they know who u really are , they'll desert u!just like beatty! " parrims , viha , yj would kill me if they heard this , but i felt almost friendless ever since school started.

    but then i heard those words and though my face didn't reveal a thing , i was touched.

    but would i take it up?

    tt depends on my own self.i would rather take it up with a counsellor.

    but hey, thanks again.

    anyway we learnt a lot abt ourselves yesterday...

    like max really didn't know he was thought an attention seeker.

    and pam was thought a biatch.....

    anyway i was thought a smart intellectual who is a social outcast.

    and ppl admire my confidence.

    i wonder if they ever found out the incidents......would they feel the same?



    for now, i'll bask in myself being able to find such a crazy class! who i find funny.



    heeh!!!

    such is the weirdness of my dramatic world.

    Thursday, April 05, 2007

    hm...

    i guess i'm happy! i got into drama yesterday ,i made new frens ,i like my class better everyday , and my frens and i keep in touch! and this song keeps getting stuck in my head.

    House Of Wolves Lyrics


    Send My Chemical Romance


    I know a thing about contrition
    'Cause I got enough to spare
    And I'll be grantin' your permission
    Cause you haven't got a prayer
    I said, hey hallelujah
    Well come on, sing the praise
    Let the spirit come on through ya
    We got innocence for days

    Well I think I’m gonna burn in hell
    Everybody burn the house right down
    She says well, what I wanna say
    Tell me I’m an angel
    Take this to my grave
    Tell me I’m a bad man
    Kick me like a stray
    Tell me I’m an angel
    Take this to my grave

    Well a ring around the ambulance
    Like I never gave a care
    I said, choir boys surround you
    It's a compliment, I swear
    I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down
    I wanna hear you sing the praise
    I said, ashes to ashes, we all fall down
    We got innocence for days

    Well I think I’m gonna burn in hell
    Everybody burn the house right down
    She says, yeah, what I wanna say
    Tell me I’m an angel
    Take this to my grave
    Tell me I’m a bad man
    Kick me like a stray
    Tell me I’m an angel
    Take this to my grave

    You better run like the devil,
    Cause they’re never gonna leave you alone

    You better hide ‘em in the alley
    Cause they’re never gonna find you a home

    And as the blood runs down the walls
    You see me creepin' up these halls

    We're bad motherfuckers
    Tell your sister I'm another

    Well I should say, what I wanna say
    Tell me I’m an angel
    Take this to my grave
    Tell me I’m a bad man
    Kick me like a stray
    Tell me I’m an angel
    Take this to my grave

    Tell me I’m a bad bad bad bad... man (x4)

    Wednesday, April 04, 2007

    Reasons which may lead a person to hate me.

    1)i am actually quite cute looking. (no, really . i am cute!)
    2)i am more talented than the other person (it might happen , i dunno why.it might happen)
    3)i annoy them (this might be true. but not for too long.)
    4).....I REALLY DUNNO!!!!

    theres someone tt hates me...i know she does. she can deny it for all she wants but i know she does. if not give me an explanation on all she did to me.

    Tuesday, April 03, 2007

    When u have a crazy class like mine (07A2 ) u see loads of funny stuff . really funny stuff .

    like a crazy ass. class rep melvin who is a very accomplished musician , a good poet and an entertainer and singer . then u have french class rep maxime who calls me chuumpa and puts me up to do the stupidest things! then u have the girls with fiona the speed demon leaving the rest to bite her dust. (i assume this of course). me , the crazy person with the loud voice who everyone ignores and all the other ppl who make up 07a2....

    every day something funny happens. too many things...i laugh but sometimes i wonder what happened if i went to ngee ann and followed my dream in mass comm.would i be like this as well?
    hehe....scrubs and charlie brown combined.... you'll love this if u love scrubs