Paranoia; An RH. M Production

Thursday, August 30, 2007

imagine a day when everything goes wrong.the econs teacher doesn't come ( she did at first but then went out and the next you saw her,she was crying), your usually cheery fren is in a really sober mood so u dun get any good jokes mostly. the same dude plays sad violin music in econs class ( really he brought the violin along and played it for us.) you hear that the kid alson in b2 has committed suicide, although you have no idea who he is. you miss someone terribly but you have a distinct feeling that he hates you. you have no idea where you are going, the school admin doesn't clear any misunderstandings you have , you still feel terribly lonely and you are broke.

now ask yourselves, how did i fare?

Wednesday, August 29, 2007

i apologize for what i am about to say......

FUCKING BAD DAY!

firstly i felt nauseous during pe. stupid running. if one more pe teacher says that for warm ups we have to run around the track once, i will fucking hell shove his spikes up the part of the body where the freaking sun doesn't shine!

feeling even more nauseous after pe, i then found out i did not have my cashcard today. Ladies and gentlemen , if i find that my freaking card is still missing by bedtime, i will murder and kill someone. most probably that would be my stuffed cat aaron. i badly need to. he's been taunting me for days. this would be the day i would wipe off that damn smirk on his face.

thirdly,that stupid thing i mentioned is still going on. if i have to see that the subject in question is still the same, i will preferably die.

fourthly, i have decided that i will abstain from all relations with stupid people. why is it that no one respects fucking time anymore? this thing has happened again and again. time and again, i have decided to let it go, ( except for that time when i refused to talk for one whole day.) my policy is this. u either keep your promise and come, or u have the decency to call and tell the person tt you can't make it. that way, the person u are meeting with did not have to waste time when he or she could be doing something more productive instead of waiting like a fool.

and by the way, if u have a promise , stick to it! if you really dun want to commit but stupidly say yes instead , at least tell it straight to my face instead of either forgetting it or even worse, making plans with someone else! Empty promises are the worse thing anyone can make in my book! you doing this means two things:

1) you dun respect the person.
2) you just want to humiliate the person by making them wait.

well, guess what? thanks to you, i conclude this. u did both.

i hope you're happy. you just got rid of a fren so easily huh? well, if u wanted to do this, here's an idea: dun be frens with the person in the first place if u dun want to be frens with the person or hate the person to bits!

people like these really shouldn't live in the first place. yes we all make mistakes, but in this case, this is the worse anyone can do.

fake words, empty promises.

asshole.

wait , you're even worse.

( still in a fucking bad mood . if u are reading this post and know who u are, think about it. i sound harsh at the moment cause i'm pissed!fuck all ppl for do this to others.)

Monday, August 27, 2007

today was a really eventful day.
firstly i spent a near whole period in the girls toilet.
exactlty what i was doing there i would not say, but it made me think a lot about life again.

i know, you ppl out there are groaning your heads off. i mean , why does champa think so much about life?

the answer. the day when i dun think about life is the day when champa is most probably dead.and i learnt something from someone. if i never speak about my feelings, i'll eventually explode.

i hate exploding.

so any way...........

today we also discussed something which i hate to discuss, but essntial for our class livelihood. those who are in my class know what i am talking about. i hate it when we do things to each other tt makes us mad but even i think this is the breaking point.

coming from me, the person max told to stand up against ppl sometimes, is a bit unusual.
okay perhaps i'm exaggerating about the standing up part.i can stand up to ppl, but not to the point of hurting their feelings.

i'm an oversensitive ass.

so anyway, our class is fed up.
they want to plan drastic measures.(they being the leader of our bunch melvin)

i advised him not to and i think i managed to get him convinced.

gods i hope i got him convinced.

what happens if i didn't get him convinced?

ARGH!!

chums is back to normal.

chumsicus normalinus.

(chums is back to normal)

oh my goodness, someone posted something which i am quite embarrassed about. i really didn't do it. cross my heart as a tmnt.

anyway, i hope i never get into a nightmare relationship. it seems horrific. and what's the use anyway of getting into a relationship?!the guy who likes me in the first place has to be nuts.

and i like bananas to go with those nuts...( not in that way, sickos!with ice cream!)

hm....i think i need a new name for myself. i already got rhiannon merlin, ( tt's my mage name) empress of vietnam (my official title), dark lord/lady of beatty( old title, still use it when i go back to beatty)

i know!
erm....lunestra......skydancer.....

lunestra skydancer!

yay!!!
sorry will never use that name again! was entertaining myself .....

lalalalalalalala!

i hope she's okay......
i miss him.
i dunno what to do about her.

Sunday, August 26, 2007

Your Candy Heart Says "Get Real"

You're a bit of a cynic when it comes to love.

You don't lose your head, and hardly anyone penetrates your heart.

Your ideal Valentine's Day date: is all about the person you're seeing (with no mentions of v-day!)

Your flirting style: honest and even slightly sarcastic

What turns you off: romantic expectations and "greeting card" holidays

Why you're hot: you don't just play hard to get - you are hard to get

What Does Your Candy Heart Say?

You Are Jean Grey

Although your fate is often unknown, you always seem to survive (even after death).

Your mind is your greatest weapon, literally!

Powers: telepathy and telekinesis, the ability to project thoughts into the mind of others, communication with animals

Which of the X-Men Are You?

You Are An INTP

The Thinker

You are analytical and logical - and on a quest to learn everything you can.

Smart and complex, you always love a new intellectual challenge.

Your biggest pet peeve is people who slow you down with trivial chit chat.

A quiet maverick, you tend to ignore rules and authority whenever you feel like it.

In love, you are an easy person to fall for. But not an easy person to stay in love with.

Although you are quite flexible, you often come off as aloof or argumentative.

At work, you are both a logical and creative thinker. You are great at solving problems.

You would make an excellent mathematician, programmer, or professor.

How you see yourself: Creative, fair, and tough-minded

When other people don't get you, they see you as: arrogant, cold, and robotic

What's Your Personality Type?

Your Learning Style: Objective and Rational

You are logical and rational. You are open to any ideas or subjects that make sense to you.

You Should Study:

Anthropology

Economics

Engineering

Finance

Law

Philosophy

Political Science

What Should You Study?

i was going to write about how insane i am when i saw the messages from fiona on my tagboard.

i was so touched that she would actually say something like this tt i started crying.

FYI. when i was in kindergarten to primary school, i was a real big crybaby. if u guys ever mention this to my kindergarten and school mate serene, she can tell you. or not. she just said i was tough.

anyway, champa the sensitive emo girl started blubbering.

it wasn't what i expected , but i loved fiona for doing that. i've been thinking of so many things nowdays. changes, denial, death, even my impending suicide. ( still have 17 more years to go)

i remember talking to max a few days ago and it was rather stupid.

(following exceprt is adapted from the real thing.)

maxilla: like it or not . i'm going to become a permanent part of your life!
chums: ( really really wondering how is that going to happen when max always forgets what he needs to do) erm...dude, you won't be in my will.
maxilla: lol. like it or not . i'm going to become a permanent part of your life!
chums:haha...are you really sure about the permanent part?
maxilla: lol. i'm sure.

promises are easily broken. i never trusted anyone's word. the only ppl i really really trust are leo , rafe and donny. sorry, but mikey is really a very secretive turtle.i'm willing to try cause max is an idiot . but i won't actually count on it.

keeping in touch is hard for one thing. another thing is that ppl change. the reason why marco and i broke off contact so abruptly was my fault cause he said something that i didn't like. even now , when we talk, its has never had that same easy camraderie we used to have in our conversations.

my primary school frens want me to keep in touch with them. but honestly i dunno whether i should. i mean, wan yi and angeline are really sweet . but i dun really like it when everyone gets together. they seem to avoid me somehow.

that's why i dun wanna go for another reunion. i never seem to get along with them.

i am such an anti social girl. i'm supposedly a really happy and popular girl cause of me being a leo, but that's not so.

i hate me being me. i hate myself being such an idiot.
yet i like my style of living.
i hate that i love this style of living.

i'm beginning to make new frens though. after an incident in class. i've been making frens with siti! i've started hanging around a bit with razia , hafizah (squirrel) and siti. james is with them sometimes, so it adds to the laughter. i'm beginning to love drama. i'm making better frenships with ppl like fiona, dinesh, melvin and even max.

but with positivity comes negativity.there are some things i regret now. i know how you should never regret your decisions. but there are some things you should never do.

life is madness. ppl are madness. i am not madness. i am chaos.

really. if you type in champa on your phone using the dictionary, you can get the word chaos before you add in the last a.

chaos is me. edmund in king lear once said that "Thou nature art my goddess." nature is unbridled. if we leave things in their natural state, they will become chaos.
Man is naturally half chaos.

i am fully chaos.

wow....such a long post today.

i think i'll go off to read my time magazines and revise on king lear.

Saturday, August 25, 2007

i remember watching this on tv when the emmys was on in....2006? can't remember, but this was hilarious.....i was laughing my head off when i saw this.

i was laughing when i saw this too...seeing this brought back all the memories...

gods the simpsons rock....homer is so sweet in the end...he's a total idiot though....
i especially liked the part when they got spider pig home.....spider pig ...spider pig....does whatever a spider pig does.....haha!!!!champa , at this ungodly hour, is insane......hahahaha!!!!

i'm missing him....
badly.
not admitting it to anyone though.
when someone asked if i would miss him, i denied it too well. i'm good in denial. i live in a state of denial.

even i'm starting to believe in it myself. but then i know myself too well.

i'll miss those times. if anyone asks me about this in public, i will never admit i wrote this.so dun bother asking.

Friday, August 24, 2007

i'm so sleepy...

but before i do that, i wanna delve into human nature.

what makes a human stay up to 12 at night? on a school night?

answer: work and perhaps teammates.

i am mad at so many things.

my teamates. my frens . the guy up there trying to screw up my life. the changing lifetimes. overwhelming work.

frens?

do i have frens in MI?

maybe i do, but then again, i feel so alone.i dunno who to trust here. the ppl i do trust are gone. another one has left recently.although we promised to keep in touch, i doubt that would happen. i am easily forgettable. and it's not as though i make an effort too.....

i miss rafe even more than i realize, leo's face keeps popping into my mind when i do something stupid and i miss the soothing tone of donny's voice in my ears...

i sat there at the corner of the room emoing. melvin asked if i was alright. i replied the affirmative, but inside i was screaming for help.

i'm doubting my abilities. i'm sleepy all the time. i'm trying to relax. i'm failing miserably.

everything. EVERYTHING!

i'm doubting whether ppl like me. i'm doubting whether i am a good person. i'm doubting my skills as a speaker.i'm doubting whether i am a good person. i doubt my love for others....

i am in serious denial....everything is what they see, but not what they say. i deny everything met in my face. everyone says the see it, but me...? what do i see?

nothing. that's what i see. nothing.

there's a huge wave swallowing me up.i'm on the wake of it even as we speak.i need to know.....will it kill me? or just make me in preparations for a new wave?

i need sleep.

Sunday, August 19, 2007

i got it! whoohoo!!!!i got the phone! i got the phone!!!!

Saturday, August 18, 2007

30 Things To Do In An Exam When You Know You're Going To Fail It Anyways!
( i found this on facebook, enjoy!)

1. Get a copy of the exam, run out screaming "Andre, Andre, I've got the secret documents!!"

2. Talk the entire way through the exam. Read questions aloud, debate your answers with yourself out loud. If asked to stop, yell out, "I'm SOOO sure that you can hear me thinking." Then start talking about what a jerk the instructor is.

3. Bring a Game Boy. Play with the volume at max level.

4. On the answer sheet find a new, interesting way to refuse to answer every question. For example: I refuse to answer this question on the grounds that it conflicts with my religious beliefs. Be creative.

5. Run into the exam room looking about frantically. Breathe a sigh of relief. Go to the instructor, say "They've found me, I have to leave the country" and run off.

6. 15 min. into the exam, stand up, rip up all the papers into very small pieces, throw them into the air and yell out "Merry Christmas." If you're really daring, ask for another copy of the exam. Say you lost the first one. Repeat this process every 15 min.

7. Come into the exam wearing slippers, a bathrobe, a towel on your head, and nothing else.

8. Come down with a BAD case of Tourette's Syndrome during the exam. Be as vulgar as possible.

9. Bring things to throw at the instructor when s/he's not looking. Blame it on the person nearest to you.

10. As soon as the instructor hands you the exam, eat it.

11. Every 5 min. stand up, collect all your things, move to another seat, continue with the exam.

12. Turn in the exam approx. 30 min. into it. As you walk out, start commenting on how easy it was.

13. Get the exam. 20 min into it, throw your papers down violently, scream out "Fuck this!" and walk out triumphantly.

14. Arrange a protest before the exam starts (ie. Threaten the instructor that whether or not everyone's done, they are all leaving after one hour to go drink.)

15. Show up completely drunk (completely drunk means at some point during the exam, you should start crying for mommy).

16. Comment on how sexy the instructor is looking that day.

17. Come to the exam wearing a black cloak. After about 30 min, put on a white mask and start yelling "I'm here, the phantom of the opera" until they drag you away.

18. If the exam is math/sciences related, make up the longest proofs you could possible think of. Get pi and imaginary numbers into most equations. If it is a written exam, relate everything to your own life story.

19. Try to get people in the room to do a wave.

20. Bring some large, cumbersome, ugly idol. Put it right next to you. Pray to it often. Consider a small sacrifice.

21. During the exam, take apart everything around you. Desks, chairs, anything you can reach.

22. Puke into your exam booklet. Hand it in. Leave.

23. Take 6 packages of rice cakes to the exam. Stuff at least 2 rice cakes into your mouth at once. Chew, then cough. Repeat if necessary.

24. Masturbate.

25. Walk in, get the exam, sit down. About 5 min into it, loudly say to the instructor, "I don't understand ANY of this. I've been to every lecture all semester long! What's the deal? And who the hell are you? Where's the regular guy?"

26. Do the entire exam in another language. If you don't know one, make one up!

27. Bring a black marker. Return the exam with all questions and answers completely blacked out.

28. Every now and then, clap twice rapidly. If the instructor asks why, tell him/her in a very derogatory tone, "the light bulb that goes on above my head when I get an idea is hooked up to a clapper. DUH!"

29. From the moment the exam begins, hum the theme to Jeopardy. Ignore the instructor's requests for you to stop. When they finally get you to leave one way or another, begin whistling the theme to the Bridge on the River Kwai.

30. After you get the exam, call the instructor over, point to any question, ask for the answer. Try to work it out of him/her.

my phone has been put to rest at the nearby cupboard. i still feel sadness when i see it , but i have moved on and hope to purchase this tomorrow!

by the way i was going through my files and found this.

it's been two years since then, when i first took that bullet train. i miss tt trip to japan. not really the people, though i miss rafe like crazy and sutha was quite nice after all. but that view , they way it was similar to hong kong....shanghai is too similar to hong kong by the way, same stuff. but i love hong kong shows rather than shanghai shows. those have no bite.

i stole this from max, by the way.

this was our first outing together as 07a2, in newton. never would i know tt i would like this class so heartily today.

i never know what might happen if i never met fiona,max, melvin, siti, squirel ,razia christine , roshilla, isabella and all u ppl! i guess i would still be the snappish , guarded female i had been two years ago.

i love my class. but do they like me? apprehension has been at the back of my mind nowadays. i worry too much.

ah well, at least i'm more open about my feelings now. i think.

will i ever know what i am thinking?

Friday, August 17, 2007

heh. i am an ass. my short tempered habits has made me pissed at my cousin. when this happens , cause it wasn't as bad as the time i stormed out of the house , i barricade myself in my room.

the hurt is me is deepening....cutting me badly again and again. once again i am not sure of my allies, never knowing who would support me in times of despair. a quote , " we go through lives wearing masks and only see our true selves when we think we are about to die."

well, i'm not dying, but my fear is that there would be no one on my side.

shit. i'm crying again. i used to be a habitual crybaby until pri 2when i was threatened by my teacher, which meant that if i ever felt sad after that incident, i would supress that motion.

it worked til sec 1.i was a rather happy kid. then that rock that was my heart started melting. when i cried , it was due to that part melting in me. then it'll freeze again. i never had feelings for the classmates i had or anything else, making me seemed more like an ice kid, cold. me trying to lighten things up didn;t work either. the girls shunned me cause of my " weirdness" . the boys cause i was too outspoken. if not for yj , parri, viha and some others , (rare few) i would never have been able to survive sec school. aaron , the ass didn;t help either, proclaiming his love like some lovesick fool.

i was pissed at him. cause i never liked ppl who played with other ppl's feelings.

curses! this is not what i wanted to do! max's influence in making me be more open about my feelings is catching and contagious.

by the way, i am about to write an ode to my spolit z520i phone. it's not dead , it still works, but i can't see the screen and the guy says it was not worth it to repair it. this means that my phone, my pride and joy, the one which survived so much.....is now , in my view blind.

i was so depressed about it. you never seen a more sadder zombie walking around orchard yesterday.

ode to a good fren:

when i first laid my hands on you, you were perfect, even if you had signs of neglect and abuse marked on you.i loved you with a passion and defended you when people sneered at your shabbiness.you were the song in my life, the heart of the passion and my life itself.i miss the memories i had with you.... i will never bring myself to kill you ( throw you away)cause i still feel life in you. thus u shall have a good rest in my drawer for the rest of your life.

i watched agamenon yesterday. it was rather complicated but i understood part of what was happening.

you know, i felt like clymenestra yesterday. i knew how she felt.

by the way, he is dazzling sometimes. i miss him now.

Wednesday, August 15, 2007

You Are a Powdered Devil's Food Donut

A total sweetheart on the outside, you love to fool people with your innocent image.
On the inside you're a little darker, richer, and more complex.
You're a hedonist who demands more than one pleasure at a time.
Decadent and daring, you test the limits of human indulgence.

What Donut Are You?

i like donuts. what can i say?

You Are a Drama Princess (or Prince)

You're not over the top dramatic, but you have your moments.
You know how to steal the spotlight...
And how to act out to get your way.

People around you know that you're good for a laugh.
But at times, your drama gets a bit too much for everyone.
Tone it down a tad, and you'll still be the center of attention.

Are You a Drama Queen (or King)?

You Should Be a Science Fiction Writer

Your ideas are very strange, and people often wonder what planet you're from.
And while you may have some problems being "normal," you'll have no problems writing sci-fi.
Whether it's epic films, important novels, or vivid comics...
Your own little universe could leave an important mark on the world!

What Type of Writer Should You Be?

You Should Rule Jupiter

Huge and hot, Jupiter is a quickly turning planet with short days and intense gravity.

You are perfect to rule Jupiter, because you are both dominant and kind.
You have great strength and confidence, but you never abuse your power.

You are always right. Even if you make mistakes, you compensate for them... before anyone knows it.
Headstrong and ambitious, you always have a goal in mind. You are optimistic and believe thing things will always work out.

What Planet Should You Rule?

You Should Own a Husky

Athletic, free-spirited, and perfect for cuddling

What Kind of Dog Should You Have?

six weird things about me....( taken and based on hafizah's quiz...thank u squirrel.)

1. i have a house full of south east asian paintings and statues . in fact i used to have a fear of the statue of ganesha, until i got used to it.
2. six hours of sleep or less + coke, green tea or rock music = hyper active champa.
3. my name is actually the name of the kingdom of champa which used to be in vietnam , until they got killed off by the vietnamese.
4.funnily enough , i can remember what happened six years ago rather than what happened yesterday.
5. i once hit myself on the car and didn't realize my head was bleeding until mom saw.
6. i talk to myself. when there are ppl around me.

the six ppl who i want them to do this quiz....
(try to decipher your name from this mess )

fionamaxillamelvindineshyingjievihasini

today was hysterical. during pe while the elites were explaining their new game called " the only sensible game", max whacked navin on the face with the racquet.

note: champa was on the floor laughing .badly.

anyway, the air con ppl just left. finally. if i see one more guy walk in as though they own the room, i will personally see that they don't celebrate father's day. cause all of them will die.

by the way, my room was in shambles. i couldn't go in until they left my room. argh.....how do they expect me to relax and unwind after such idiocy?

bleah. will be crabbing my way through the rest of the time i'll be here.

by the way , i live in fear that someone may attack me and make me sit infront of them while forcing me to tell them my probs.i dun really have probs. i think. if i do i won't say a word. that can explain bottled up feelings and explosions.

however, i won't say a word of anything to anyone. they make such a big fuss of it.argh.....max has been threatening to do the exact thing, that is attack me and make me talk to him. luckily he forgot. i hope.

been singing melvin's song to myself while walking home. can't get pass first two verses. will have to ask him to borrow or teach me the song.....cause if i don't i'll drive myself mad.

i dunno....will i ever know what i want?

Tuesday, August 14, 2007

IIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII''''''''''''''''''''''''''MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM BBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and very enthusiastic......hahahA!!!!
well what did i miss , for so long have i been away at this blog.....

i got a new ipod, harry potter and the deathly hallows.

hm....

by the way, i feel useless again.

i dunno what i can do to help this world. max says i shouldn't self pity myself.

i'm not. it's reality.

by the way, i still have that crush on that guy.....his smile is so dazzling.i get jealous when i see him with other girls.....i try to stop myself....but can't stop.

ARGH~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

champa is in the building. she has left it now. pls pay attention