i just read logen's blog.what he said abt the mind is so true.
cause thats' what i am doing.trying to forget something.only how can u,when u remind yourself to forget the idea?

i know it s sounds weird.this is why i never try to write or tell ppl other ideas i hear.i always mess it up.

so anyway,to take my mind off things,i have started help at my aunts restaurant!if u wanna celebrate a birthday or something,come down to 8 degrees lounge and restaurant to celebrate.it's really fun here.i'm working at the restaurant side of it,and it's really posh.to top it off,i get to eat delish food for lunch!and i get paid of course.



interestingly,the thing i'm thinking abt?it's a guy.

i know,really ,i drive myself psycho when i think abt it,cause i have a huge tendency to overanalyze things.(see this is why i'll never be a good gf to anyone,i would most prob drive the poor soul crazy.this of course relates to the fact that i have no such good social skills to even gain a nice guy in the first place. )


so ,my dream guy?

he has to have a good sense of humour.when i mean good,i mean really good.he can make jokes in front of me.this is a big must.
he has to be sweet to his loved ones.that is a big must.i like guys who would do anything for their little sisters.or brothers.crap ,i always fall for the sweet ones.
one big must:look decent.
i like guys i can talk to,discuss ideas like humanity,and books.see this is what i see in guys i like.
they must be able to click! with the victim at hand,eg. the girl they like.
he must also be able to take my anger at the ppl of the world and try to change it into something nice and sweet .

i think the most impt thing of all?

be able to understand my so called "bullying" and know that deep down ,he knows that i love him more than anything else in the world and would go through hell and back for him.

i think that's the reason why i think i am vulnerable to the world and thus close myself up.


i dunno,does every one of my posts end up in me hating more myself more and more confused abt me?i know that"the path is clear to all but the person who takes it." but must it be so damn hard?


goingoffthedeepend.

ps.i just realized that utt looks so much more cuter after the hair cut.more signs of my downspin to insanity.