Paranoia; An RH. M Production

Sunday, August 31, 2008

i just got weirded out by geran.

nth serious. will update later

_________________________________________________________________________

well, after a whole night of thinking about it, i have nothing else to say other than GERAN HAS GONE CRAZY.

have i ever mentioned geran in full proper glory in this blog? i guess not, so i'll just give the gist.

here's the sitch:

Geran is the Shadow King of MI.

i'm serious! this guy is like the godfather of all juvenile delinquents in MI. ( joking, but u kinda get my drift. people who know geran would understand where i'm getting at.) he's like the guy that many girls wouldn't talk to, cause of his reputation and his actions.

( i better not reveal anymore. geran gets paranoid about stuff about him and the little known about him, the better)

so anyway, yesterday, the weirdest message came from him , giving us a morale booster .

two things weirded me out

1) this was geran. he never gives morale boosters.
2) that message was just a bit scary. cause of the content that cannot be from geran!

after that, i think i fainted from shock. at least, that what i think.

so anyway, late yesterday, i get a call from him.the conversation was abit surreal. let's just say it involved me screaming at him to ask what did he do with the real geran and him laughing a bit and saying he was actually doing mindmaps for history.

in full, i have no choice but to conclude it was geran.why?

1) it sounded like him.
2) it sounded smart and explained things in economic terms.
3) he tried to exploit me to do something for him, which for me was the absolute confirmation tt he was geran.

good lord, he still scares the hell out of me.

anyway, i better go, i have to go study with fiona , melvin, moo and joyce at the airport today! i'll update about that session and the shopping trip last thursday with laurent /rock god and the rest of the company later when i get back.

cya!

Thursday, August 28, 2008

dear myself,the biggest hypocrite in this world,

you're self pitying, and i hate u for that.

people have been telling you that you're nice, but i hate it

i'm no nice person.

that's like saying that Voldypoo has moldy shorts and wishes he had more hair.

i mean, i sometimes wish people can hate me.

i wish that was so.

i have done what others have done before.but i'm too much of a coward to really say what i feel. bitching about others is not a good thing, and yet i do it all the time.

i love myself.

i hate my hypocrisy.

why can't i be more bold, like roshilla? or graceful like isa? or even as good humoured as razu?

why do i always have to be the nice but not confident girl that i always am?

why the hell do i keep trying to act like a crazy person when i'm unhappy?

why am i who i am?

why the hell do i hate ?
why the hell do i envy?

why are u doing this to yourself?

why can't u ever trust your instincts and frens?

why do u suspect even when u know what u have is what u have?

why can't u ever understand me?

why do u always get attacked by others cause you're too nice?

argh!!!!!!!!!!!

i hate myself.
i love my attitude.

irdidluon.

Tuesday, August 26, 2008

To F.

please please please let me get what i want.

from C.

Saturday, August 23, 2008

Supermassive Black Hole

Oh baby dont you know I suffer?
Oh baby can you hear me moan?
You caught me under false pretenses
How long before you let me go?

You set my soul alight
You set my soul alight

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the 'supermassive'

I thought I was a fool for no-one
Oh baby I'm a fool for you
You're the queen of the superficial
And how long before you tell the truth

You set my soul alight
You set my soul alight

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the 'supermassive'

Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole

Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

(You set my soul alight)
Glaciers melting in the dead of night
And the superstars sucked into the supermassive

Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole
Supermassive black hole

-Muse

babblebabblebitchbitchrebelrebelartypartysexsexsexdon'tforgettheviolence.

( rhiannon's pov)
i am free. liberated. i am renewed.

i am angry.

and alive.

angrily alive.

it's makes my blood boil.

and i feel free.

give me a staff or a sword.

let's kick ass.

(champa's pov)

itsanewdawnitsanewdayitsanewlifeformeandimfeelinggood.

i'm feeling better than i would have the past few days . the blood in my veins feel alive.

blame the guy. i went through some people's profiles and the anger i have felt for them before is now returning to me.
somehow this vengeful anger makes me feel more alive than i would have been if i was in my own passive state.

if i was a wolf, i would be running for the hills with all the blood rushing in my veins.

is my main motivation really due to revenge for myself or others?

it seems like it.

and i'm loving it.

where's my armor and my sword?

xena is in me now. i think.

____________________________________________________________________________________

back to real news...

we went to huda's house on friday to deal with pw. i came up with the detailed plan for the pilot study there , and we admired and played with huda's cat, bobby, whom i nicknamed ," godfather" he and geran had a staring match then, which shows something. i dunno what it is.

and i've been happily addicted to the bridge of the song," this is the new shit" by marilyn manson. if my good frens( and when i say good, i mean morally good) heard me, they would be surprised at the songs i listen to.

then again, some of them are surprised at my reading material too. there was once siti had to babysit my book when i accidently left it in the drama room and she then commented that when she skimmed through the book, she realized that the main character was an english guy who has many girlfriends. and then commented that my book was very sexual.

hey, the guy was an englishman. who was horny.
in a country known for their women, wine and underwear.

if the guy aint horny, i aint know what he want.

Thursday, August 21, 2008

MONTY PYTHON FOREVER!

WHOOHOOHOO!

okay, meet moodswing girl. she's been doing this moodswing stuff all day long....

firstly, on monday, she got a bit depressed and tired out.so she went to buy some stuff to make her feel happy.

on wednesday, the same thing happened.

this time, she knew that whatever it was was going to be bothering her for a longer time than tt, so she went to kino, read for at least 3 hours, and got happier.
she bought a book too.

on thursday.

she got happy.

however, the frens broke thursday tradition.

so i ate dinner alone today.

big whoop.

i just feel kinda lonely though.

lalalalla
laxman just sent me the link to this hilarious video....

poor joker reminds me of laurent. keeps getting beaten up for no reason.
usually by me.

hahahahahha.

i am the eggman , i am the eggman, i am the walrus.

goo goo ga chub.

Saturday, August 16, 2008

give me a soda. somebody.

odex has become this whole nightmare saga. AGAIN. damn u odex.

seriously what is wrong with them? they sue the anime downloaders in Singapore, claiming that it's due to the fact that they want us to buy their anime products....when it is obvious that the subtitles and the quality of the pictures are only substandard. And the circumstances of the Odex saga is very sketchy too....

damn you odex
.

wait...this is funny.

hahaha.

when the odex saga hit last year, this post appeared on mr brown's blog:

Sunday, September 09, 2007
Singapore police sends 4 riot buses to deal with Ultraman?
A group of 8 young people who wanted to protest against local anime distributor Odex's legal actions decided to stage a protest... with their toys... at *Scape, a youth park. The idea was to stage a demonstration with their toys and do a photo shoot at *Scape (Slogan for the youth park: Feel the Space. Fill the Space).

read it here. it's funny.

http://www.mrbrown.com/blog/2007/09/singapore-polic.html

they actually took out their toys to protest. ultraman would forever be misunderstood .

gods, i love these weird ppl.i love mr brown. i love this weird culture.

ying jie, chester ( yoke hwee) and i staged a whole "anti-odex party" . this included a lot of bitching of Odex ( Ying Jie, chester and i ), ranting about odex( ying jie), complains about the anime not out in singapore that are supposed to be out and worried that he might get arrested and fined for the anime he downloaded ( Chester) and a hell load of moaning for the lost opportunities of downloading Gintama, Jigoku Shojo and Vampire Knight Guilty ( me.who else would do such a thing?)

ANYWAY, i think i'm boring the others....so let's get back to real life news...

Lit paper was on yesterday. damn the upper ups who swear that the pushing up of the lit paper was for our own benefit.

but anyway, after the hell was over( i'm not discussing what happened in hell cause i'm a bit too sore about section a ) , we went on this whole relaxing rampage.

the whole bunch of us went to play with laurry the cat as well as eat from burger king.

melvin is a total dumbass.

nth else said.

i'm surprised everyone thinks that we're a couple.

how absurd.

and i had a weird dream today. one guy i know in my dream was playing on a guitar and proclaiming his love for me in song.

somehow, it was one of the sweetest things that someone would ever do for me.
if only it was true.

( and fyi, it's not who u guys would think. )

heh.

ni to all of you ppl.

and today's abbreviation..
imy. ird.iwcisuedis. goomh. p.

Saturday, August 09, 2008

ow ow ow....

i woke up in pain.

i hurt.

all over...

owowowowowow.

the great mage in me, however, made me shut up and take the pain.

how i wish i have a pet wolf.

by the way, happy birthday singapore!

Sunday, August 03, 2008

AIYEEEE!!!!!!!!!!

i went on a shopping spree today. and i got a chance and the guts to finally purchase H.A.A.R.P. by Muse!!!!!

okay i didn't get it earlier when it came out cause i didn't wanna be labelled a copycat. Laurent was planning to buy it as it came out on a date near his birthday and i didn't wanna steal his thunder.

but after so long.....

good god...why did i not buy it earlier?! those guys are freakishly cool! i mean, the whole time i watched the dvd, i just couldn't help smiling and grinning away like an idiot.their playing and their energy just made me hyper too.

hyper music...what a pun.

anyway, bought these boots from converse.they're not real boots, but they're feel like them!!! kickass!!!!

Anyway, a random conversation with my cousin

Casandra: Wah liao eh, just now auntie lin came over and then she saw me eat crab. she then later tell my mommy," you know ah, nelly and casandra are so different( refering to another cousin the same age as her)! nelly is so sophisicated but casandra is still so sweet and so polite!
Me: ( snigger snigger) you know what this means?
casandra: ( sounds fustrated) yes..i know it means i'm immature lah!!!

casandra: hey, u know arthur is so tall now?
me: really?
c: yeah up to my height now!
me: chey not much difference....
c: what does that mean?
me: well, it means you're short.
c: say that again!
me: you're short
c: i dare u to say tt one more time!
me: fine . you're short.
c: ( slightly glowering) hey , u think i'm very easy to bully ah?
m: yeah, well i'm two years older than u are.course i can!
c: shut down!
m: say what?
c: shut down!
m: do i look like a computer to u?!
c; yes.

by the way, this cousin hsa the smae birthday as fiona. thus....bwahahahha.

Saturday, August 02, 2008

Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down,
this picture's frozen and I can't get out.
Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down,
this picture's frozen and I can't get out of here.
Believe me, I'm just as lost as you,
Believe me, yeah, I'm just as lost as you.

And every time I think I've finally made it,
I learn I'm farther away than I've ever been before.
I see the clock and it's ticking away,
and the hourglass' empty,
What the fuck do I have to say!

Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down,
this picture's frozen and I can't get out.
Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down,
this picture's frozen and I can't get out of here.
Believe me, I'm just as lost as you,
Believe me, yeah, I'm just as lost as you.

Keep it inside the image portrayed,
As if I couldn't stand losing,
as if I couldn't be saved, no way.
A small confession I think I'm starting to lose it,
I think I'm drifting away from the people I really need.
A small reflection on when we were younger,
We had it all figured 'cause we had everything covered.
Now we're older it's getting harder to see,
What this future will hold for us, what the fuck are we going to be?

Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down,
this picture's frozen and I can't get out.
Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down,
this picture's frozen and I can't get out of here.
Believe me, I'm just as lost as you,
Believe me, yeah, I'm just as lost as you.

Lost lost lost lost lost lost lost lost,
I'm just as lost as you,
Oh where...
What am I going to do?

I'm afraid I'm falling farther away,
I'm falling farther away,
I'm falling farther from where I want to be.
I'm afraid I'm falling farther away,
I'm falling farther away,
I'm falling farther away!

Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down,
this picture's frozen and I can't get out.
Please help me 'cause I'm breaking down,
this picture's frozen and I can't get out of here.
Believe me, I'm just as lost as you,
Believe me, yeah, I'm just as lost as you!
(You're breaking me down!)
I'm just as lost as you!
(You're breaking me down!)
Down...

-still frame, trapt.

this song just shows what i feel, now tt i've turned 18 and just suffered a huge breakdown on thursday.

believe me....i'm just as lost as you.....

ah okay....updates!

Laurry

good god, little cat, how much do u want me to say that i'm in love with you?

hm....maybe a thousand would do !

thst cat just makes me happy. whenever i see her, i go into happy mode. u know how girls sometimes do tt whole, "ehh!!!babies!!!letmeletmeletme!"? i do it with cats and dogs. more cats than dogs now, since i haven't had any frens owning dogs, but then cats are plentiful, cause they're stray. moo, my new fren has got 4 cats at home.my fav's is preciousl. she kinda reminds me of me. grumpy old soul.

anyway, laurry's my absoulute fav. two weeks ago on monday i happened to chance upon her when she was hanging in the canteen during night study.

laurry: meow.
me: ( getting hysterical)ee!!!!! laurry!!! come here! i haven't seen you for so long!!!
laurry: ( glances at me as though i've gone mad.)meow.

she reminds me of cleopatra millie, my first real pet cat.

but anyway.

fyifyi came with me to play with her, along with clavin, this guy from some class....

anyway, the next day, i was in homeroom being my usual random self, when suddenly amy/melvin comes to me and says, " you know, laurry's outside?"

me: squee!!!( runs out to the window)
laurry: (stares at me while sitting happily on the air conditioning unit)
me: call fiona out melvin! ( while running out the back door)

well,fyifyi and i played with laurry for awhile, but then ms choo told us to get back in. we tried to bring laurry in with us, but then yati was scared of cats, so we left laurry outside sunbathing with the promise that we'll play with her later.

laurry's kinda like a mascot now in our school. gods, i'm in love.

the day when i could begin getting arrested and charged as an adult

yeah, my birthday came on the 26th.

the saddest part was, it was on the most stressful day...transcendence!

argh...

came to school with messages on my phone throughout the day.geran even messaged, which was a bit scary , cause i'm still afraid of him. but nice.

anyway, i went into huge psycho mode cause miss jam told me that one of my lead actors had to rush off so i had to rewrite the entire scene....(NO!!!!!!!)

So halfway while screaming my head off and driving myself nuts, patrick shouted, " okay, hit it!"

the lights were switched off, i got hugely irritated, until the happy birthday song came up.

to truly understand what was going through my mind at the time, let's do a champa's pov at the time....

me: oh good god, why the hell did this have to happen when i'm in school. i shouldn't have gotten myself dragged in for this! damn this school, damn this chaos...good god, what happens if i dun pull this whole director thing for my group off?! i'll be the worst director ever! hey..wait a min..what's with the whole lights getting off thing? damn patrick, i gotta show to work on! calm down champa. most probably it's someone's birhday, that explains the birthday song..wonder who's it...wait, why are they coming to me? why is siti holding the cake? looks yum, i have to admit...and why did they use my name in that song?....oh wait, your birthday...great job chums. u even forgot it was your birthday in half an hour.

see? that's whole flustered i was.

after recovering quickly, i smiled happily, took a few minutes blowing out the candles , and proceeded to break/destroy my cake with the plastic knife i've been given.

anyway, we pulled it off. the whole drama team got praises and compliments , saying it was one of the best performances ever.

after that, we travelled to orchard for my birthday.

i lost that bet i had with ying jie, on who would come later.

so anyway, there we were, a congregation of 11. fyifyi came later , but for now, let's see who came...: ying jie, siti , joyce, fadil ( siti's bf) ,laurent, melvin ,roshilla, shilla's sister, razia, moo, and me.

swensons was fun. i was admiring it and took a picture of the decor inside.

the following conversation taking place came after i took the photo

me: ee!!! so pretty! looks like aliens in the sky!
YJ: say what?
me: look at it! ( show her photo)
yj: since when?
me: here i'll show u! rau, does it not look like aliens in the sky?
razu: it does!
me: yay!whaddya think laurent?
laurent: ( deadpans) well, it is a nice photo. even reminds me of the inside of the place we're in now.

darn . there u go destroying my dreams.

anyway, we had a dinner, and a toast.( at this part i was so embarrassed about the number of people toasting me with water glasses that i went, "o good god and sank onto the table.)

and then roshilla came up with the video cam and went to some people, asking," so what do u wish champa for on her birthday?"

the response was a bit weird.

" let her be happy in singularity for life."

i dun even wanna know what tt meant.

ying jie got along well with melvin. they're acting like good frens too.

why do all of us have to be fire signs is something i dunno.

anyway, i just vgotta say....thanks loads everyone!

i've just realised that i have a L shaped scar on my knee when i was climbing up this wall while waiting for a fren to come out of the toilet.

or maybe its a y.

depends on how u look at it, i guess.

i can't scratch it out.
darn

anyway.

i'm stuck now.

i'm having it bad for this guy.

badbabadbadbad....

darn, now i sound like some obsessed fan.

why can't this stop? i know u dun like me. i bet u dun even wish want to know a girl like me.i dun even know why is it i have it so bad.

i think i need the toilet.